In our daily relationships, we typically offer a mix of positive and negative feedback. You might intuitively think that you can balance a critical comment with a positive stroke or compliment. It would be so simple if that harsh comment you made without thinking could be smoothed over with a positive one! Unfortunately, this is one occasion where -1 and +1 don’t equal 0.
Several research studies have shown that the ratio is much higher, possibly as much as 5:1: Just one criticism or sarcastic comment needs five positive strokes to be cancelled out. This ratio has considerable predictive power and applies across a range of relationships, including marriage and the workplace.
The 5:1 ratio was identified by relationship psychologist John Gottman. Gottman studied married couples and found that happy long-term relationships consistently reveal this magic ratio. To test this finding, Gottman and his colleagues observed one 15-minute conversation between 700 newlywed couples. They scored the ratio of positive to negative interactions and made a prediction about whether they would stay married. Ten years later, they checked in with those same couples and found that their predictions of who would get divorced had a 94 per cent accuracy.
Several years later, Emily Heaphy and Marcial Losada found a similar pattern in the workplace. Heaphy and Losada studied 60 business teams and identified a Positivity/Negativity Ratio of 3:1. In this context, a positive comment would be something like “I agree with that,” or “That’s a terrific idea”. Negative comments would include “I don’t agree with you” or “We shouldn’t even consider doing that”. Losada’s research focused on performance: The top-performing teams had a ratio of up to 6:1, while poorly performing teams were closer to 1:1. This ratio made more difference than anything else in terms of how well a team performed.
There’s some concern about the accuracy of Heaphy and Losada’s data. Still, given how closely their ratio matches Gottman’s, I think we can take it that the principle is sound.
Whether in a marriage or at work, some negative feedback is valuable: It’s vital to avoid groupthink at work, and constructive criticism can foster emotional growth. But a little criticism goes a long way, so make sure you’re getting the balance right at home and at work.